I’ll never forget mile 18 of my first marathon. My legs were screaming, my mind was even louder, and every single cell in my body wanted to stop. Twenty-six miles had sounded heroic at the start line … but standing there with 8.2 miles still ahead? It felt absolutely impossible.
Here’s the thing though. I didn’t need to run 8.2 more miles in that moment. I just needed to take one more step.
That single mindset shift, focusing only on the next step, didn’t just get me across the finish line that day. It’s become the foundation of how I coach people through grief, loss, career pivots, and massive life goals. Whether you’re fighting to survive the holidays after losing someone you love or you’re pushing toward a dream that feels impossibly far away, the principle remains exactly the same.
You don’t have to do it all. You just have to do the next thing.
According to the American Psychological Association, about 75% of people who set goals report feeling overwhelmed at some point during the process. That overwhelm is the real enemy here, not the goal itself. So if you’ve ever wondered how to keep going when you want to give up, let me just say this: you’re not broken. You’re human. And there is absolutely a way through this.
Why We Want to Give Up (And Why It’s Completely Normal)
So here’s something I wish someone had told me years ago. Wanting to quit doesn’t mean you’re weak. It actually means your brain is doing exactly what it was designed to do.
When we look at a massive goal—running a marathon, rebuilding your life after loss, starting a business, getting healthy—our brains do this thing where they try to process the ENTIRE journey all at once. And honestly? That’s terrifying. The brain sees all that work, all those miles, all that uncertainty, and it goes into protection mode. It’s basically screaming “this is too much, we need to stop!”
I remember when I first started training for distance running. I’d look at the training plan and feel my chest get tight. Sixteen weeks of progressively harder runs? Long runs that would eventually hit 20 miles? My brain wanted nothing to do with it. The overwhelm was real, and I hadn’t even started yet.
The same thing happens with grief, by the way. When you lose someone you love, the idea of living the rest of your life without them feels unbearable. Your brain can’t compute decades of holidays, birthdays, and ordinary Tuesdays without that person. So it shuts down. You feel paralyzed. And then you start thinking maybe you just can’t do this.
Here’s what I’ve learned through my own struggles and through coaching hundreds of people through theirs. There’s a huge difference between productive discomfort and genuine burnout. Productive discomfort is that resistance you feel when you’re growing—it’s uncomfortable but it’s not destroying you. Burnout is when you’ve pushed past your limits for too long without recovery.
The urge to quit usually comes from one of two places. Either you’re looking too far ahead and getting overwhelmed by the distance, or you’re genuinely depleted and need rest. Both are valid. But only one of them means you should actually stop.
What makes this even harder is that certain seasons amplify everything. The holidays are brutal for this. If you’re grieving, the holidays magnify that loss by about a thousand percent. If you’re working toward a big goal, the end of the year brings all this pressure to “finish strong” or make dramatic changes for the new year. It’s a lot. And perfectionism loves to show up during these times, whispering that if you can’t do it perfectly, you shouldn’t do it at all.
That’s garbage, by the way. But we’ll get to that.
The Marathon Runner’s Secret: Just Take the Next Step
Alright, let me share the single most important thing I’ve ever learned about perseverance. And I learned it the hard way, gasping for air somewhere around mile 22 of a race I wasn’t sure I could finish.
The secret is stupidly simple: just take the next step.
That’s it. Don’t think about the finish line. Don’t calculate how many miles are left. Don’t project how much pain you’ll be in an hour from now. Just look at the ground directly in front of you and take one more step.
This isn’t just feel-good motivation stuff either. There’s real psychology behind why this works. When you focus on the entirety of a challenge, your prefrontal cortex, the planning and decision-making part of your brain, gets overloaded. It starts running all these simulations of failure and pain, and your stress hormones spike. But when you narrow your focus to just the immediate next action, you bypass a lot of that anxiety response.
Elite ultramarathon runners use this technique all the time. We’re talking about people who run 100 miles through mountains. They don’t think about mile 87 when they’re at mile 23. That would break anyone mentally. Instead, they use what’s called “segmenting”—breaking the impossible distance into tiny, manageable chunks. Some focus on getting to the next aid station. Others literally count steps. Whatever works to keep the mind from spiraling into the enormity of what’s ahead.
I’ve talked to several ultrarunners about this, and they all say some version of the same thing: the finish line is actually your enemy during the race. When you focus on how far away it is, you feel defeated. When you focus on just moving forward—just one more step, one more minute, one more mile marker—suddenly the impossible becomes possible.
And here’s the thing. This isn’t just about running. Not even close.
What’s the next step look like in your life right now? Maybe you’re trying to write a book and the idea of 60,000 words is paralyzing. Your next step isn’t “write a book.” Your next step is “write one paragraph.” Maybe you’re trying to get out of debt. Your next step isn’t “pay off $30,000.” Your next step is “make one extra payment this month” or even “look at my accounts today.”
The goal stays the same. The mindset changes completely.
Applying the Next Step Mindset to Grief and Loss
Okay, I need to get real with you here for a minute. Because applying this mindset to grief is something I know deeply, and it’s different than just achieving a goal.
When you lose someone you love, there is no finish line. There’s no marathon medal at the end. You don’t “complete” grief and move on with your life like nothing happened. And that reality can make the whole “just take the next step” thing feel kind of hollow at first.
But here’s what I’ve discovered, both personally and through working with grieving clients. The next step mindset isn’t about finishing grief. It’s about surviving it long enough to eventually transform it.
The first holiday season after a major loss is absolutely devastating. I’ve been there. You’re supposed to be celebrating, but there’s this giant hole in the room where someone should be standing. Everyone else is laughing and eating and you’re just trying to breathe. The thought of getting through Thanksgiving AND Christmas AND New Year’s AND every holiday for the rest of your life? That’s too much for any human brain to process.
So you don’t try to process it all. You just get through the next hour.
Sometimes the next step in grief is literally just getting out of bed. That’s it. That’s the whole victory for that day. Sometimes it’s making one phone call to someone who cares about you. Sometimes it’s writing a single sentence in a journal about how you’re feeling. These aren’t small things … they’re everything.
I worked with a client last year who lost her husband of 34 years. She told me she couldn’t imagine living another 20 or 30 years without him. And she was right—she couldn’t imagine it. No one can. So I asked her instead: can you imagine getting through today? Just today? She said yes, probably. So we focused on today. And then the next day. And the next.
Six months later, she had started a small foundation in her husband’s memory. Not because she set out to create a foundation, but because each tiny next step eventually led somewhere meaningful. That’s the power of this approach. The momentum builds quietly until one day you look up and realize you’ve traveled further than you ever thought possible.
For those of you navigating grief right now, especially during the holidays—please hear me. You don’t have to heal completely. You don’t have to feel better by New Year’s. You don’t have to perform okay-ness for anyone. You just have to take the next step, whatever that looks like for you today.
Using the Next Step Mindset to Achieve Big Goals
Alright, let’s shift gears and talk about goals. Because whether you’re trying to lose 50 pounds, build a business, change careers, or write a novel, the same principle applies. And most people get this completely wrong.
I used to be one of those people, by the way. I’d set these massive ambitious goals, create elaborate 90-day plans, buy all the supplies and apps and courses, and then… fizzle out after two weeks. Sound familiar?
The problem wasn’t motivation. I had plenty of motivation at the start. The problem was I kept focusing on the massive gap between where I was and where I wanted to be. Every day I’d wake up and essentially remind myself of how far I had to go. That’s exhausting. No wonder I kept quitting.
The research on goal achievement is pretty clear on this. Most people don’t quit because they lack ability. They quit because they get overwhelmed by the scope of what they’re trying to do. It’s not a capability problem—it’s a focus problem.
Here’s what changed everything for me. Instead of asking “how do I achieve this huge goal,” I started asking “what’s the smallest possible action I can take right now toward this goal?”
When I wanted to run my first marathon, my first next step wasn’t “train for a marathon.” It was “put on my running shoes tomorrow morning.” That’s it. I didn’t even commit to running. Just putting on the shoes. Of course, once the shoes were on, I usually went outside. And once I was outside, I usually ran a little. The next step created momentum that led to more steps.
This is the compound effect in action. Tiny consistent actions stack up over time into massive results. But you have to trust the process because in the beginning, the results feel invisible. You’re just showing up and doing small things and wondering if any of it matters. It does. It matters more than the big dramatic efforts that burn you out.
I want to introduce you to a concept I call “minimum viable progress.” On your worst days, when motivation is gone, when life is chaos, when you want to quit, what’s the absolute minimum you can do to keep the streak alive? Maybe it’s one pushup instead of a full workout. One sentence instead of a chapter. One sales call instead of ten. The goal on hard days isn’t to make major progress. It’s to not break the chain. To prove to yourself that you’re still someone who shows up.
Because ultimately, that’s what this is about. You’re not just completing tasks. You’re building an identity. Every next step you take reinforces the belief that you’re the type of person who doesn’t quit. And that belief becomes self-fulfilling over time.
How to Identify Your Next Step When You Feel Paralyzed
Okay so here’s where it gets practical. Because sometimes you know the “next step” concept makes sense but you’re so stuck you can’t even figure out what that next step should be. Analysis paralysis is real, and it’s incredibly frustrating.
I’ve been there more times than I’d like to admit. Sitting at my desk, knowing I need to make progress on something, but feeling so overwhelmed by all the possible actions that I just … freeze. And then I end up scrolling social media for an hour because at least that doesn’t require decisions.
Here’s the first trick that really helped me: the five minute rule. Whatever you’re avoiding, commit to doing it for just five minutes. That’s it. Set a timer. Tell yourself you only have to do five minutes and then you’re allowed to stop. Nine times out of ten, once you start, you’ll keep going past the five minutes. But even if you don’t, you’ve still made progress and you’ve broken through the paralysis.
The second thing is asking the right question. Instead of “what do I need to do to achieve this goal,” try asking “what is the ONE thing I can do right now that would move this forward?” The word “one” is crucial here. It forces your brain to pick a single action instead of trying to hold twenty things at once.
Another trick is to remove decision fatigue by pre-planning your next steps. At the end of each day or each work session, write down exactly what your next step is. Not a to-do list with fifteen items. Just the single next action for your most important goal. When you sit down the next day, you don’t have to think. The decision is already made. You just execute.
There’s also real power in making it physical. Write your next step on paper. Put it somewhere you’ll see it. There’s something about handwriting that makes things more concrete in our brains. I keep a sticky note on my monitor with my next step written on it. When I feel lost or overwhelmed, I just look at the note and do the thing.
Now here’s something that took me a long time to accept. Sometimes the next step is rest. Sometimes when you’re paralyzed, it’s because your body and mind genuinely need recovery. In those cases, forcing yourself to push through isn’t heroic—it’s counterproductive. The next step might be taking a nap, going for a walk, or stepping away from the project entirely for a day. Pausing strategically isn’t quitting. It’s just a different kind of next step.
Building Resilience Through Repetition
Something kind of amazing happens when you practice the next step mindset consistently. You start to actually change your brain. And I’m not being metaphorical here—this is real neuroscience.
Every time you take a next step instead of quitting, you strengthen the neural pathways associated with persistence. It’s like building a muscle. The first time you push through the urge to quit, it’s really hard. The tenth time, it’s a little easier. The hundredth time, it starts becoming automatic. This is neuroplasticity in action.
I noticed this in my own running journey. The first year, every long run was a mental battle. My brain would start looking for excuses around mile three. “Your knee feels weird.” “You didn’t sleep well enough.” “You can make it up tomorrow.” Constant negotiations to quit. But after a few years of consistently overriding those voices and taking the next step anyway, something shifted. The resistance is still there, but it’s quieter now. My brain has learned that I’m going to keep going regardless, so it’s mostly stopped trying to talk me out of it.
The same thing happens with any challenging pursuit. The more reps you get of taking the next step, the more your brain accepts that this is just what you do. You become someone who doesn’t quit. And that identity shift is incredibly powerful because it applies to everything, not just the specific thing you’re working on.
This is why celebrating micro-wins matters so much. Every time you take a next step, acknowledge it. Not in some over-the-top way, but just a simple internal recognition. “I did the thing. I kept going.” This positive reinforcement accelerates the neural rewiring. Your brain starts associating forward movement with reward, which makes future next steps easier.
You can also build systems that make the next step more automatic. This is where habit stacking comes in. Attach your next step to something you already do consistently. After I pour my morning coffee, I write for fifteen minutes. After I finish dinner, I review my goals for five minutes. The existing habit becomes a trigger for the new behavior, reducing the willpower required.
The goal isn’t to be someone who never wants to quit. That person doesn’t exist. The goal is to be someone who keeps going anyway. And that’s not about willpower—it’s about repetition. Each next step you take is a vote for the person you’re becoming.
What to Do When You’ve Already Quit
Okay, I need to address something important here. Maybe you’re reading this and thinking “that’s great, but I already quit. I already gave up on that goal, that relationship, that dream. It’s too late for me.”
No it’s not. And I say that with complete conviction.
Quitting isn’t permanent unless you decide it is. Every single day is an opportunity to take a new first step. The fact that you stopped doesn’t mean you can’t start again. In fact, starting again after quitting might be the most powerful thing you can do, because it requires confronting your own perceived failure and choosing to move forward anyway.
I’ve quit more things than I can count. Diet attempts that lasted three days. Business ideas I abandoned after a few weeks. Running streaks I broke and then felt too ashamed to restart. For a while, I saw each of these as evidence that I was someone who quits. That I didn’t have what it takes.
But here’s the reframe that changed everything for me. What if those weren’t failures? What if they were just practice rounds? Every time you try and quit, you learn something. You learn what doesn’t work for you, what triggers your resistance, where your weak points are. That’s valuable information. The only way to truly fail is to stop trying entirely.
The biggest obstacle to starting again isn’t practical .. it’s emotional. It’s the shame spiral. “I already tried and failed. Everyone saw me fail. Who am I to think I can do it this time?” That voice is loud and it feels true. But it’s lying to you.
Nobody is keeping track of your attempts except you. Nobody is sitting there thinking “oh there’s that person who quit that thing two years ago, how embarrassing.” People are way too focused on their own lives to monitor your progress. And even if they did notice, so what? You’re allowed to try as many times as you need to.
If you’ve quit something important to you, here’s your next step: forgive yourself for quitting. Seriously. Let go of the shame. Then ask yourself, “if I were starting fresh today with no history of failure, what would my first small step be?” Now go take that step.
That’s it. You’re back in the game.
Finishing Strong: A Challenge for Right Now
Alright, we’ve covered a lot of ground here. But I don’t want this to just be something you read and then forget about by tomorrow. I want this to actually change something for you. So let’s make it real.
Here’s my challenge. Right now, I want you to think of one goal or struggle you’ve been close to giving up on. Maybe you’ve already given up on it. Maybe you’re hanging on by a thread. Whatever it is, bring it to mind.
Got it? Good.
Now, don’t think about everything required to reach that goal. Don’t think about all the reasons it’s hard or all the times you’ve failed before. Just answer this one question: what is the single smallest next step you could take toward it?
Not the whole plan. Not the perfect strategy. Just one tiny action.
Maybe it’s sending one email. Making one phone call. Writing one paragraph. Putting on your workout clothes. Opening that document you’ve been avoiding. Looking up that phone number. Whatever it is, I want you to define it clearly enough that you could do it in the next five minutes.
Now here’s the crucial part. Commit to taking that step today. Not tomorrow. Not this weekend. Today. If you can do it in the next five minutes, do it now before you finish reading this article.
I’m serious. The momentum of this moment, the little spark of motivation you might be feeling—that’s a resource. Use it before it fades.
If you want accountability, tell someone what your next step is. Text a friend. Post it somewhere. Write it on a sticky note and put it where you’ll see it. The more real you make this commitment, the more likely you are to follow through.
And here’s what happens after you take that step: you repeat the process. You ask again, “what’s my next step?” And you take that one too. And then the next. That’s literally how every finish line gets crossed. Not through superhuman effort, but through the relentless accumulation of tiny steps forward.
Final Thoughts
Here’s the truth that took me years and honestly way too many hard miles to really understand. You will never feel fully ready to do hard things. You’re not going to wake up one morning and suddenly have the energy, the clarity, and the perfect motivation to tackle the whole mountain at once.
But you can always take one step.
That’s it. That’s the entire secret that marathon runners, grief survivors, and high achievers share. They don’t have superhuman strength or discipline that the rest of us lack. They’ve just learned to shrink the focus. To stop staring at the impossible distance ahead and instead look down at their feet.
So let me ask you one more time … what’s the goal you’ve been close to abandoning? What’s the grief season or life challenge that feels too heavy to keep carrying? Now ask yourself: what’s the smallest next action you could take in the next five minutes?
Not the whole plan. Not the perfect answer. Just one step.
Take it. Then take the next one. That’s how you keep going when everything in you wants to give up. That’s how you cross finish lines you never thought you’d see. And that’s how you build a life and a legacy that you’re genuinely proud of—one single step at a time.
If you’re navigating grief, loss, or a season of transformation and need some support finding your next step, I’d love to help. That’s exactly what I do … helping people turn pain into purpose and overwhelm into forward motion.
